


Kuroo goes to Target®

by jinbeisan



Series: _______ goes to _______™/® [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Target, i love him so much, kuroo is a great chef fight me, swings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 19:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11297733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinbeisan/pseuds/jinbeisan
Summary: he goes to target on s mission to make kenma a good and healthy dish bec he picky eater





	Kuroo goes to Target®

Kenmen and keroo are hanging out because they best fronds and love each other because y not. they were walking to the playground near nekoma because they used to hang out there when they were kids and it hold dear dank memories for them and they want to reminisce, especially kuroo

 

 they go out un the swings a block away in a playground a block a way fro m nekoma. they get there and kuroo makes a beeline for the swings because he loves the swings because they are a perfect example of physics and he loves physics because its such a nice science unlike chemistry or biology but ok.kenma ignores the rush of wind that passes by and continues to play animal crossings on his ni entiendo. he reaches for the chain handles holding the rubber seat and he sits down. 

but

a tragic thing happened

Kuroo’s doesn't fit

kuroo cant even fit on the swings because his butt is to big and at that moment he accepted his fate:

he was no longer a youth, a child, a lone flower floating in the wind going wherever the jovial wind took him

no, 

he was an adult now

a sad adult that couldn't fit in the swings. a dad adult that lived a boring life, one of files and taxes and trips to the  vehicle registration center and wait in a long line that was longer than a lot of lines.

 

“Kenma! im so sad!” kuroo had tears coming out of his eyes, he hung his head low and murmured; I can’t fit in the swings anymore! What happened! What is this vile thing that has happened to me, i can’t continue like thi-“

 

“You have your schoolbag on the side, its blocking your butt from sitting on the seat properly.” Kenma sat on one of those spring things and continued playing AC while it resonated. 

oh. 

kuroo moved his bag to his lap.

his butt now fit on the seat.

HIS BUTT NOW FIT IN THE SEAT

HE WAS STILL A CHILD

AH YOUTH!

he grinned happily and started to kick his legs up and get momentum like his teacher taught him that momentum is conserved energy and is a product of mass and velocity and because he was a big boy™ but not as much of a big boy™ as bokuto he had good momentum and plus the rate of kicking , the impetus velocity he deemed that in about 4 second if he kept going at this rate he would reach maximum height( parallel to the top of the swing) and so he continued. 

he reached maximum height in 5 seconds

he overestimated

that was fine. this was a learning experience for keroo and he took into account the gravity as well as air resistance and lots of stuff. learn something new everyday!! he slowed down and swung at a low pendulum.

oh no!!!  
kenma was frowning into his nientiendo. what was wrong with keroo’s friend?

“kenma are you okay? y u frown?”

keroo got off the swing and made his way to his flan haired friend.

kenna made a sour face and said,” nothing, i lost a buttfruit tree.’  
den is tummy growled.

aha! ken is hungry! “Kenma are you hungry? lets go find food”

“no, i don't like the restaurant s here.”

“dont be picky, like one, what about McDank’s?”

“no.”

“¿no? okay lets go to my house. i have food.”

i dont like the food tou make. its green.”

“its healthy kenma, vegetables are healthy, they are packed with nutrients and good things for you! please eat.” kuroo got up and held his hand for hemmer to hold on to. he took it and they walked out the park.

“i know where ica n find good food, kenma.”

“eww where”

“Target®”

kenma was quiet, and that meant that he was content and would follow. good job tetsuro, kuroo thought, yes.

he was determined to make kenma a healthy snack and dinner and he was going to do that.

 

They made their way to the nearest Target® and went inside. kuroo got a cart and put his bag inside. kenma followed, but he lifted his leg and kuroo knew what he was going to do.

“Let me help you, okie up!”

kenna sat inside the cart, and continued playing animal crossing. 

“ok, so first things first, you need more vegetables in your diet. You eat too much junk food, especially chips and other sweet things. and don't tell me potatoes are vegetables.”

“i mean of course they are but the way you eat them is pointless.”

kuroo pushed the cart and kenma to the produce section of Target®. he started looking at the fresh produce; the mushrooms, tomatoes, squash, zucchini, daikon, pickled veggies, bitter melon, bell radishes, and tons more.

“see, a growing boy like you needs a good amount of food, but it has to be nutrient dense. so no more sweets and processed stuff.” he put some  veggies in the cart, ignoring kenma inside.

“youll regret it later”

“now is later tho”

“doNt sASS Me YoUNg MaN”

“oK”

“well then,” keroo composed himself and continued lecturing knee on foode.

“so, now, you need good veggies, but you also need good grains and other forms of fiber. good poop is regular poop okay. if you eat well you'll never be constipated again, i remember last year when you were in the bathroom for 2 hours. don't act like i didn't notice. 

so, u need whole grains, no white bread. white bread is bad. ok so whole grain and read the ingredients, if it has coloring or other thigngs like that then its not good, well, at least not the best, and you must moderate this too.

“look, lets compare some whole wheat pasta with reg pasta.”

look at how much more sugar and cholesterol is in the reg pasta.

same thing with rice, try and eat brown rice, and wild rice, and if it still tasres, nbad, then mix it with reg white rice.

kuroo put some rice and pasta and noodles in the basket.

he then drove to the sauces and condiment section

“and now we are nin the condments.

hTHEY ARE SO IMPORTANT ANS YES PLEASE omygoodnes a sale on paprika? ooh i need like 5

dump 5 in the cart

oh and on oregano and turmeric?>>>˘>>˘˘˘ ok

kuroo began to dump spices and food into the cart

mercilessly 

begone kenma, begone 

Keroo went ham on the food

“EXCuse me sir, “ a Target® employee asked him

“do you wan a coupon ?

kuroo looked up from the gelatin shelf.

“of course! i would like a coupon?

“here yo go sir, have a nice day”

thank you! keroo said

he looked at the coupon and he saw that it was buy 1 get 100 free

so he could buy one thing and get 100 free

“OH IS THIS JOUTY! I AM ALIVE SO SPECIAL MUCH SPENDY GOOD MONEY

he got everything

got everything healthy™

 

~1 hour later~

“okee kenma so, where gonna cook when i get home, and I'm gonna make oyo-“

“kenma?”

“KEJNMA”

WHERE ARE YOU!!!  
kuroo freaked out. he went all over the store, he looked down eevery aisle, with no luck

then he had an idea

“ooh i can go to use te  loud”

EHE ZOOM TO THE CASHIER AND YANKD THE MIC OFF THE WALL

AND SEID;

“KOZUME KENMA HWHERE ARE YOU, I LOST YOU WHNN  I GOR THE FOOD WHERE ARE YOU I MISS YOU!!!

YOUR FRIEND MISSES YOU PLEASE COME BACK!!”

kuroo then started to cry, 

how could he lose kenma? how? did he really not like him? was this all a trick? was this a plan to hurt his scorpio heart?

but not likely, kenma was a libra so he wasn’t that cruel, at least not like a leo, like yaku, ooooohhh may god

“k

“K

:ro

“kur

“Kuroo

“oh, kuroo wiped a tear from his eyes,

thus my ears deceive me? is that kenos pretty little voice i hear?

“yes it is, now get this stuff off of me, i cant move.

:OH MY GOD

kuroo gasped like the man in “the scream” painting by Munch. he wiped his tears and reached into the cart and pulled out the best bundle of joy he'd ever seen

“oh kenma how i missed you! KUROO hugged kenma so tightly the younger wiggled and pushed way

ok 

i thin ere have enough food for you. lets go back to ym house and i’;; cook some good food

i know you're gonna love it

ill try my best, kenma, for you

“ok, ill try it”

“thank you” 

 

 

they got the BOG100 offer and made their way home, and kuroo cooked food

good food bec kuroo got an A+ in home economics and also wants to be a part time chef in conjunction with an physics researcher.

 

at home, keroo made zuheinie and squash spagetti and kenma <3

the end 

**Author's Note:**

> at least to my knowledge target does not exist in japan but let me live.  
> kuroo would thrive in an environment like Target™


End file.
